Accidents Happen
by PrettyinPinkNikki21
Summary: Jennifer realizes something very important and must make a decision
1. Panic

Standing against the tub in the middle of the bathroom at Willow Pond, Jennifer waited impatiently for the timer to ding, three minutes of the longest of her life

She had known something was wrong when she realized she had skipped a period, was irrationally angry over nothing and had started recently crying at Cereal Commercials, she had originally chalked it up to grief after Max's death but after falling asleep while making love to Jonathan one night, she had to wonder if there was an underlining condition

And so she stood staring at a home pregnancy test, wondering how she could have let this happen, she didn't want kids and had gone to extreme measures to make sure it didn't happen, she had used the patch, the pill.. everything except going that one final step and getting her tubes tied

But then again, she also realized that Jonathan could have a low count and that somehow through all their years of making love, everywhere and every moment they could had somehow managed to not connect ..her well protected uterus and his lazy swimmers

But here she was, staring at the test and her watch, wondering how could she have been so stupid and ridiculous, she was a woman in her mid 40s and this baby was not in her plans..compromise her body her mind and her marriage, After all Jonathan never expressed any interest in having kids and Max, well He was enough kid for all of them.

Could she really terminate a pregnancy without telling the most important person in her life, someone who she'd gladly die for and she knew he'd die for her as well

But this..a whole new responsibility that she wasn't sure she could take on by herself even with Jonathan ..

The timer dinged and she stood up from her position on the side of the bathtub, taking a deep breath she walked the two giant steps to the edge of the bathroom sink and looked down

A few hours later, She sat on the edge of the couch in their spacious living room waiting for Jonathan to come home.. Usually he was home at exactly 6pm but for some reason he was running late and it was nearly 6:30

Where could he be? She nervously rearranged some flowers on the coffee table and paced looking out the window

Her mind was racing a thousand miles a minute and she couldn't escape each situation she created in her own mind, Freeway must have sensed her heightened anxiety because he was wrapped around her legs begging for his little ears to be scratched, she bent down and he licked her nose in reassurance and love ….

She heard his car door slam and straightened up, making sure her skirt looked perfect, ran her fingers through her hair and plastered a smile on her face

Jonathan came through the door with his briefcase, smiling with those amazing dimples and even that moment of heightened panic, she couldn't help but smile back and her heart skipped a beat

"Hello Darling!" He greeted her with his usual excitement as Freeway barked along with his kiss, "Hey Pal…did you miss Daddy"

"Hello Darling," She nervously bit his lip," How was your day?"

"Oh crazy, five board meetings then a half dozen conference calls all before lunch, which I didn't even get to eat so I'm starving …What do you say to La Scala?" He went over to the bar and poured himself a drink and started to pour her one as well.

"I'm pregnant!" She blurted out, she meant to drag it out and have him guess but she just couldn't seem to get a hold of the words until they came spilling out

"What?" He stopped pouring the gin and stared at her

"Jonathan, I'm pregnant"


	2. Her decision

"I'm sorry, Darling..What did you say?" Jonathan dropped the martini shaker

"I said I'm Pregnant" She repeated not believing her own words

"One more time," He closed his eyes and shook his head

"I'm pregnant as in with child, expecting, enceinte, "She tried to think of other verbs but her mind was still suck on "Pregnant"

"Are you sure?" Jonathan stood frozen behind the bar

"I took a pregnancy test and it said positive," She didn't want to move past her position behind the couch, if she could, she'll will her legs to march back up the stairs, pee on another pregnancy test and hope it comes out negative

There was an uncomfortable silence for several minutes while she silently meltdown and he stood there in just awe

"Darling, that's amazing! I'm so happy!" He ran from behind the bar and grabbed her in a hug but she went limp in his arms, "What's wrong? Aren't you excited … a baby!"

"I don't know what I am, numb mostly" She didn't want to admit that she didn't want this baby but she needed to be honest with him

"Sweetheart, It'll be great, we'll take him to football games, he'll go to a great school and we'll show him the world, we'll give this baby a childhood like no other, I'm so happy!" Jonathan had tears streaming down his face now excited at the prospect of this new creature drifting into their lives

"Stop!" She couldn't it take anymore, his excitement was adorable but she didn't want him to go overboard if she hadn't made a decision

"What's wrong?" He looked deep into her eyes and saw nothing but fear and panic, "Darling, what's going on?"

"I haven't decided if I want this baby or not, I need time to think," She felt awful when his face fell

"What's to think about, this is amazing We're having a baby!"

"No, I'm having a baby, you're just going along for the ride," She didn't want to come off harsh but the reality was, she'd be carrying this baby and she'd have to deal with the changes to her body and lose what made her beautiful and youthful looking

"But we can experience this together," Jonathan was so confused, he thought she would be thrilled to be expecting their baby, he'd always wanted a baby but seeing at how she was comfortable in their lifestyle he'd never pushed it and he also figured if they hadn't reproduced at this point, maybe they weren't meant to be parents

"Fine, I'll carry the baby and you can gain weight and have something the size of a bowling ball plow through your vagina!" She was so tired and so over thinking this whole thing, she wanted to wake up to tomorrow and realize this whole thing was a bad dream

"Darling, you don't have to get angry," He searched her eyes and realized that it wasn't he she was fighting with it was something inside her and it was the baby, "Look, Let's call Doctor Kendall, make an appointment to confirm that your pregnant and we'll go from there .."

"Fine" Jennifer nodded and asked quietly," If I choose not to have this baby, are you still going to love me?"

He studied her face, "Darling I'll always love you and I know it's your decision, which I respect, and you know that but I think we should at least discuss it,"

She wrapped her arms around his neck, inhaling his sweet cologne which she had bought for him for Christmas and nodded, knowing that this was her decision and her decision alone …

The next few days, she was unusually quiet, wondering what it would be like to have a baby, the pressure and how they would be responsible for this little life, every decision they would make would affect this little life and what if this baby was born, and she still resisted? Could she handle knowing that on some level she was responsible for that? And what if she did go through with the abortion…would Jonathan still love her? Could she really termite her own child? How would she feel afterwards..could she ever enjoy making love again?

Because that was one of the best parts of her marriage, just the feeling that they fit perfectly together and how he looked at her with such passion and lust and she felt the same and more then often when they were finished together, she felt like she was on some high that she never wanted to come down off of.

She had so many decisions to think about and it was so overwhelming by the fact that her husband was being nothing but his supportive self, she wanted him to get angry, tell her that she had obligation to keep their baby or demand she get the abortion, something to make it easier but he was so sweet and wonderful and promised that his love for her wouldn't change.

The appointment at the doctor's office wasn't any easier, Dr. Kendall was so excited when the test came back positive and she was sure Jennifer would be as well, she immediately started scheduling all the of the tests that Jennifer would need to make sure that the baby was healthy, and she estimated that the baby was around six weeks and growing rapidly.. it was too early to determine the sex of the baby but soon they could see, Dr. Kendall did put a little gizmo to Jennifer's belly and they heard a faint heartbeat

Hearing that only made things so much harder, now she wasn't sure what she wanted

When they returned home from the Doctor's office, Jennifer needed some air so she put Freeway's leash and started to walk down the street but just before she left, Jonathan called her back

"Are you alright, Darling?" He was so concerned for her, she had dark circles from not sleeping and her beautiful manicured nails were unconsciously bitten down and he couldn't remember the last time she had washed her hair

This whole pregnancy thing was messing with every aspect of her life and she needed to take some serious control before she completely lost what made her Jennifer Edwards Hart

"I'm fine," She smiled, kissed his soft rose shaped lips and left with the dog

He couldn't help but wonder if she would try to do something while she was gone, like throw herself in front of a car or something to induce a miscarriage …he knew she wouldn't purposely hurt herself but in this state of mind

Anything was possible

Jennifer walked Freeway without really paying attention, she just was so lost in thought, she never thought that at this point in her life she'd have to worry about being pregnant when most of her friends were sending their kids off to high school and college, she try to imagine going to ball games, playing catch or even just racing cars across the kitchen floor but that image was so hazy and unreal to her

She found herself walking in a park, surprised because she never had gone this far on a walk with Freeway but this park was beautiful, filled with all sorts of equipment from swings to monkey bars and a beautiful pond just beyond the edge but there was something else about this park

It was filled with babies, either this was a sign or she was seriously losing her mind

She sat on top of a picnic table with Freeway at her feet, just watching the kids play, she noticed twin one dark haired little girl and the other a blonde boy, they were fraternal but they looked a little alike and they were fighting over a doll

"Give it Back Richard!" the little girl yanked and jerked her brother forward

"No Diana! It's mine!" He jerked her back, they went on for awhile until an older woman, with thick yellow curls intervened and told them that they needed to stop or neither of them would get the doll

The kids ran off toward the sandbox but not before the little girl shoved her brother and caused him to trip, he didn't cry but stood up and instead pushed her back

Jennifer watched in amusement and also in wonder, how could a mother can handle one child let alone two? How can you make sure one child is happy while another waits or vice versa, how can you divide your attention?

The whole thing was complicated

Freeway jumped into her lap , and started licking her nose, jerking her back into reality

"Oh Freeway, tell me what to do …I'm so lost," She bent down and stuck her face into his fur, tears beginning to pour out of her eyes

She stayed there for hours, alternating between crying and watching kids play, a few of the little ones came up to her and asked if she was alright, she supposed that she did look a bit crazy, a grown woman clutching a dog like an overgrown Annie

She took control of herself and started to walk back to the House, it was now dusk and the streetlamps were on.

Poor Freeway was exhausted and dying of thirst but he stuck with her through the streets onto theirs up the driveway, past the pond and the Large Statue and into the house where as soon she took off his leash, Freeway made a mad dash for his water bowl and drank like his life was going to end at that moment

She looked for Jonathan in the backyard figuring he would be sitting there like he did every day with a glass of wine, just going over what had happened earlier that day and debating with her on the upcoming weekend plans

Jennifer came back in from the porch and heard Jonathan upstairs on the phone, she started up the stairs and took a deep breath

He hung up the phone as soon as she walked into the office, before she could speak, he walked out from behind the desk and took her in his arms kissing her with all the love in the world

"I've made a decision" She whispered


	3. A Secret Past

"I made a decision," She repeated quietly

"And…" Jonathan didn't want to seem overeager but he was dying to show her the onesie he had bought and some other baby things in hopes that she would decide to keep the baby but when he pulled back from hugging her, he saw the sadness in her eyes and knew

"I can't, I'm sorry but I just can't have this baby" She started to cry, "I don't want the responsibility and I can't handle a child, there's too much at stake and I don't want a child to be in the middle of whatever comes next. Please don't hate me,"

"Hey, "He lifted her chin in his hands, "I could never hate you and I completely support whatever you decide," Inside his heart was breaking, this was his baby as well and she was acting like it was some burden

"I guess I have to call Dr. Kendall and break the news," She blew her nose on her sleeve and started to walk away, "I hope I made the right decision"

"You and Me Both Darling," He said as she walked up the stairs.

He would never understand the real reason why she couldn't have this baby, it wasn't financial or the responsibility, it was the fear that she would be a terrible mother and that she would be forced to leave her child behind like her mother when she was killed. It was the same old story of childhood abandonment and she never wanted a child of hers to go through a similar ordeal.

It was insane and she knew that if she told him, he would try to reassure that it wasn't possible, that if something were to happen to her, he'd more than step up with their child but she would never rest in peace if she knew that she had left a child behind

She was shutting him out and she knew it.

Jennifer called and was told that an abortion couldn't be scheduled until the middle of next week, which wasn't soon enough, the sooner she got it over with, the sooner she could return to her normal life

Whatever normal means, she wasn't sure anymore

After she scheduled her procedure, she climbed into their big king sized bed, that she had special ordered for them when they moved in because she knew that Jonathan loved the idea of making love in the middle, and suddenly she felt very tired like something was pushing her down.

Jonathan came in with some tea and cookies and sat at the edge of the bed, watching her freckled nose crinkle as she rolled over, clutching a pillow

"Can we just talk about this?" He asked her, not wanting to push but needing some sort of answers to his questions as to why she was so determined to terminate.

"Please Jonathan, I'm so tired"

"I know you are and I'm sorry but I just feel like before you go and schedule an abortion we just look at this from every option,"

"I already scheduled it and Maddie has already agreed to come with me," She thought of her best friend and how she had been through this before but that was after her pregnancy was ectopic and not out of her own personal choice

"Why Maddie?" Jonathan was hurt, he was slowly being pushed out of the picture and for a woman he couldn't stand.

Maddie Patrick was a large woman, who never knows enough to shut up and she was constantly throwing her opinion around like it's the only one that matters, plus she was a hard drinker and when she drank, she got touchy-feely and that was every night. She was in her mid-fifties and lived like she was 20 and for some reason Jennifer loved her like a sister

"Because Maddie understands and I just don't you to be there with me suffering in silence," She looked at his sad blue eyes and she saw he was suffering anyway and that just added more and more to her guilt

The guilt she would always carry in her heart

"Why are you doing this?" He wasn't' angry, "We can well afford help and you know that I'll be here,"

"Because I just don't want the responsibility of a child," She wasn't willing to admit the real truth

"Your lying and I know you are," Now he was getting angry, he could see through to her heart and that something she was keeping from him.

"I had a baby back in High School," She confessed "but the baby was stillborn, I was so scared to tell anyone and so I made it seem like I was just getting a little chunky, lots of bulky sweaters and nothing revealing, and went to all my appointments at the free clinic, I couldn't tell anyone not even Pa"

He sat there in stunned silence, she never talked about her past only from college, nothing before and he'd respected her enough not to ask. How could he have spent the last 10 years and never known this?

"Who was the father," Jonathan asked,

"Just some random boyfriend, he's not important .."

"But you told Maddie?" he knew they went way back but he didn't know how involved

"She was there for every moment and she held my hand, honestly I don't know how I could have survived without her, and when they came to take the baby away, she clip a little piece of her hair and put it into a bag and even gave her a name,"

"What was her name?" Jonathan was so completely

"Sophie, my little Sophie" Jennifer began to cry, she thought she was past this, right after the birth she had Maddie promise she'd never tell anyone as long she lived and Maddie understood that this was a piece of her heart that was never mentioned or talked about.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I couldn't it, it was too hard and then time just marched and things were so amazing between us I couldn't just casually work into a conversation, by the way I had a baby at 16 who died it just doesn't roll off the tongue and you would have turned away," She sobbed into the pillow

"Darling, how could you say that after all we've been through? We love each other and I would have understood, we all have things in our past that we can't escape no matter how hard we try..Is that why you're afraid of this baby?"

"I couldn't survive losing another baby, it was months before I felt like even breathing again and to go through all that would just kill me, please I just can't put myself through that again or you."

"But Darling, they have made advances in maternity and obstetrics, what happened to Sophie?"

"I think they said the cord was wrapped around her neck and that even with an emergency caesarean, she still would have died, Maddie knows more about it because I just closed off completely and she made all the arrangements for the burial, some mother I don't even know where my own baby is buried," Jennifer's body shook with sobs, and although Jonathan wanted to reach out and comfort her, he wasn't sure that was exactly what she needed

They sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity before Jonathan finally spoke, "I realize that that this is something so huge and I'm happy you told me but Darling, don't you think that enough time has passed and that this is an opportunity to do things properly,"

"You don't understand!" She was angry now, "You think it's that simple? I want this baby more than anything but it's too hard and the idea of having to bury another child would just kill me. I won't do it Jonathan and you can't make me."

"So I don't even get a say in what happens to my child as well," He was so shocked at her, they had promised that every decision no matter how minor would be made together

"No"

"Then I guess we're done here," He got up quietly and walked to the door, "I hope you realize what you're doing and what you are throwing away"

"Where are you going?" She was so sure he'd understand but he had a right to be angry, he grew up an orphan and this was his chance to give the world to his child

"I love you but right now I just can't be around you, not like this" And with that, he closed the door behind

The next few days in the Hart House were very chilly as Jonathan slept in the guest room and was gone before Jennifer would wake up and more than often, he'd come back just after she'd gone to sleep, the love was gone from their marriage

And she wondered if it would ever return

Over coffee, Jennifer poured her heart to Maddy, "He just doesn't understand that I can't have this baby"

"Jen-Bug, I'm failing to see the reason also, I know it was horrible before but maybe things will be different"

"You, of all people should know why I can't"

"Does Jonathan know the whole story," Although Maddy and Jonathan had never gotten along, he thought she was too wild and she thought he was a snob; she had to admit he'd been good for Jennifer and the fact that he didn't have a bad body either wasn't a total afterthought, she'd confessed that to Jennifer one night after drinking but thank god, they'd both been too drunk to remember

"I couldn't it, It was impossible to tell him, how can you explain one night after a long study session you go to a frat party and end up getting roofied and sexually assaulted?, it sounds too much like something off of CSI, I just told him that the baby died and the father was an old boyfriend, he doesn't need to know what happened"

"You've been married for over 10 years and it's never come up not once?" Maddy was surprised; Jonathan and Jennifer had a very open marriage

"No because we both agreed to work on the future and forget our pasts" Jennifer sipped her tea, she'd started to order her usual vanilla latte but Maddy had quickly reminded her that even though she was terminating, caffeine wasn't good for the baby.

"I think you should have told him, it's not fair he doesn't know the situation and as much as you think you are protecting him, when he finds out, he's going to be hurt and upset, your rocking your own gravy boat" Maddy reached her hand out to hold Jennifer's hand

"Madigan, I can't tell him, it would just change everything and he would look at me like a victim instead of his wife," She held her hands out, looking at the beautiful diamond he'd placed lovingly on her finger.

Maddy just nodded, she understood but if Jennifer didn't tell him soon, she would be forced to betray her best friend's confidence

The day of the abortion came too soon, and Jennifer sat in the waiting room in Doctor Kendall's office, although it was a humid day, she felt very cold.

She'd been told to wear loose clothing and so she chose the LA rams sweatpants Jonathan wore faithfully every home game, it smelled exactly like his cologne, which gave her some comfort despite him giving her the cold shoulder, Maddy wasn't sure what to say so she just say there reading a magazine every once in a while, she'd look to find Jennifer staring into her hands

"Are you sure about this? We don't have to do this, we can leave right now"

"I have to, I can't live with this and the sooner the better," Jennifer said quietly, "Mads, when you had your abortion, how soon did you feel normal?"

Maddy shook her head, crossed her fingers and said "Any day now but it was different for me, I didn't have the love of a wonderful guy like Jonathan Hart,"

"What if I am making a mistake? What if this is supposed to be my baby," Jennifer bit her lip

"I can't answer that, only you can, Tell me now and we'll put the pedal to the metal and bounce," Maddy wanted to really shake her and tell her to stop acting stupid

"Jennifer Edwards?" A receptionist called her now

"I'm not meant to have a baby" Jennifer said before following the receptionist to the back room

A Few Hours Later

Maddy was boiling tea while Jennifer sat on the chaise lounge in the living room

Just as Maddy was raiding the pantry for cookies to along with the tea, Jonathan came in from work through the kitchen

"Madigan," He briskly nodded

"John," She mocked him, "In the living room,"

"How is she?" He asked, almost paralyzed with fear to go into the living room unsure of what he would find

"John, just go," She gently pushed him into the room, where Jennifer was wrapped in a blanket looking like she'd run a marathon, her eyes were bloodshot and she was clutching Freeway like he was her only safe haven

"Darling," He simply said and when she turned to look at him, her eyes filled with tears

"Oh, Jonathan!" She began to cry, he took her in his arms, pushing Freeway aside and let her cry,

"Was it just awful?"

"I couldn't do it; I put the gown on and was actually in the stirrups when the realization came over me that somehow this baby was meant to be ours and that I was being selfish…Darling I will spend the rest of my life being the best mother I can be to our child, and make up for even doubting whether or not I should have this baby. "

"I know you will,"

"I love you so much,"

"Not as much as I love you," Jonathan whispered in her hair


	4. recollections

_Gresham Hall 1985_

_Jennifer Edwards has been at Gresham Hall for over two years and since her arrival, she has been nominated and won Student Body president, has maintained 4.3 grade average and is in the running for Kappa Phi Beta _

_She also had no social life whatsoever aside from Maddy her best friend and roommate , who was determined to party from sundown to sun up and also hook up with every boy on campus, there were many nights that Jennifer slept in library because Maddy was entertaining a guest in their room _

_But now it was near the end of the semester and Jennifer only had one paper left before she went home to Havenhill for the summer._

"_Come on Jenny, it's just one night!" Maddy was pleading with her, her long blonde hair crimped like Madonna except Madonna's was professional done and Maddy's was just a mess, if she had held the hot curling iron to her head any longer, she'd have burnt the hair right off her head _

"_No Mads, I need to finish this" Jennifer's red hair was held back by a scrunchie and her large glasses framed her face, her nose was buried in a science book but she was slowly getting annoyed, she wanted this paper to be done so she could finally relax _

"_I promise, We'll go for two hours and I'll come back and write the stupid thing for you!" _

"_Aren't you the one who flunked the last big test?" _

"_Yeah But I still passed the course with an A" _

"_Tramp" _

"_Genius, Come on It'll be great, there will be some great guys from waverly there and I'm pretty sure that some of the Gamma guys will appreciate your …intellect" _

"_Uh huh," Jennifer wasn't stupid, she knew even at 16 she was well stacked and often went for the Annie Hall look to deflect from being objectified, "Alright If I agree to go for two hours, you swear you'll write this paper for me?" _

"_I promise now let's pick out something for you to wear," _

"_What's wrong with my jeans and tank.." It was like 90 degrees out but with air conditioner cranked up, it was a frozen tundra in their room _

"_Fine if you're going for the mom look, let's find you something Hot!" Maddy went to the closet and started pulling out expensive yet dull looking out fits, "God, who buys your clothes? Gloria Swanson..Oh this is cute" _

_She had pulled out last year's Halloween Costume when they and a few of their friends had gone out as Hookers _

"_I am not wearing that," the outfit had a mesh top, black mini, pink wig and belly chain, the outfit was also bought with a pair of spike heels and a nose, she looked like Joan Jett _

"_Come on you look amazing!" Maddy held the outfit out and Jennifer reluctantly took it from her_

"_You owe me like you wouldn't believe," She mumbled struggling to get into the skirt, she mistepped and fell ahead first into the closet "Ow!" _

"_Are you alright," Maddy laughed hysterical_

"_Yeah but I found your missing stiletto," She mumbled before crawling back out, holding the missing shoe _

"_Hey thanks I can wear this tonight!" Maddy grabbed the shoe gleefully _

_Jennifer finished putting on the outfit and stood in front the mirror, "I look like I just hung out with the B52's"_

"_But you look so good!" Maddy herself had changed into a tube top and lycra leggings, she put her blond hair in a ponytail to the side and put two large skull earrings in her ears "No one would guess we're barely 17," _

"_Yeah, we just look like MTV Rejects," Jennifer rolled her eyes and adjusted her wig, it looked cool but itched like hell, "Two Hours right?" _

"_Right" Maddy had no intention of leaving after two hours and Jennifer knew on some level that also but she figured as long as they got in before 2, she could whip out the paper and skip her first two classes without being busted by the headmistress," Oh and our names are Jade and Missy"_

"_Why Jade and Missy?" Jennifer was scratching her head like it was on fire _

"_Because those are retro names and ours are so boring," Maddy slapped her hand _

"_I kind of like my name, Madigan"_

"_Yeah well it at least yours is a real name, I was named after a Pub in the Bronx, now come on stick with it, Jade" With that, Maddy slapped Jennifer on the bottom and out the door she went _

"_It's only one night, What can go wrong?," Jennifer asked her image in the mirror _

_In a word….Everything _

_They walked to the party, Maddy chattering about how she was going to hook up with some guy named Colin, who'd slipped her his phone number when he cut in front of her during an ice cream social and how he had a friend named Mick, who was dying to meet a bitching babe like Jade _

"_A bitching babe?" She would preferred a better adjective, like awesome or rocking but bitching? _

_They arrived at the frat house where a steady stream of people had already arrived, Some were talking on the porch, others were gathered around a Keg in the front yard, Saying hello to people they recognized, they walked into the house _

_Where it was wall to wall people, there was a makeshift bar in the corner and lots of old couches around the room, where although it was still early, people were making out and there was a Jello shot contest in the furthest corner of the living room_

"_Mads I mean Missy, I don't know about this," Jennifer became nervous and reached out to grab Maddy's arm but she wasn't there, she had taken off in search of Colin _

_Left to her own devices, Jennifer wondered around the frat house looking for Maddy and stopping to talk to some people she knew, after awhile the room became unbearable hot with so many people cramped into the house that Jennifer decided to go out the backyard for some air before she completely ditched Maddy _

_She walked outside and sat outside on a bench, taking off her wig and furiously scratched her head _

"_Fleas or Head lice?" a voice called from above her _

"_Excuse me?" Jennifer was startled and accidentally threw her wig across the yard_

"_Sorry didn't mean to startle you, you looked like you were going to rip apart your scalp," the voice which belong to a 6'4 250lb brown eyed auburn hair god , walked over and picked up the wig and handed it back to Jennifer _

"_What women won't do for fashion," Jennifer was embarrassed that he'd caught her and that her hair was probably flying in every direction _

"_Don't even worry about it, if I was embarrassed every time I got caught doing something I shouldn't, I'd never leave my room," He smiled and showed a perfect array of teeth, "By the way, my name is Nico Grey" _

"_Jade Edwards," Jennifer figured she'd keep up with the fake name until she was sure about this guy_

"_What year are you in?" _

"_Junior, you?"_

"_Senior, looking forward to college"_

"_Oh I thought you were already in college, since this is a frat house and all," _

"_My older brother Miko is rush chairman, and before you say it, yes our parents did give us rhyming names, probably in hopes we'd never come home," _

_Jennifer laughed hard, she couldn't believe how comfortable she was with this complete stranger _

"_So what brings you to my little slice of hell?" _

"_My best friend, she's hoping to beat her own record of hooking up with guys,"_

"_Ah, blonde hair, tube top, sort of looks like a damaged Cyndi Lauper?"_

"_That's Missy," _

"_Nice girl," _

"_Oh yeah," Jennifer rolled her eyes _

"_So whose your favorite teacher this year," _

"_Professor Lewis, she teaches the journalism classes I'm going to be a reporter, you?" _

"_My father wants me to be a doctor but I would prefer to go into Engineering, my favorite professor is Wolowitz, the guy's crazy but brilliant,"_

"_I've heard of him! Didn't NASA want him on the upcoming launch, the challenger?" _

"_That's what I've heard," _

_Jennifer started to shiver, she wasn't sure why it was either excitement or the fact she was half naked but Nico noticed and offered her his leather jacket _

"_Looks good on you, kinda like a red headed Pinky Tuscadoro," _

"_Thanks," Jennifer laughed_

_They talked for another hour about various professors and teachers they had in common and laughed with ease, Jennifer had never felt this way before with anyone, not even Maddy _

"_Hey are you thirsty?" Nico offered _

"_Sure I'd love a coke," Jennifer hadn't realized how thirsty she was until he asked _

"_Just a coke? My brother's got enough booze to take down Billy Idol, I'll fix you something special,"_

_Jennifer had no reason not to trust him and so she nodded_

_Nico weaved his way back through the kitchen filled with people and over to the bar, where his friends were gathered around and talking to each other_

"_Nicos, where you been my brother?" one asked him_

"_I was outside with the coolest girl she's brilliant and has the most amazing smile ever," He started pouring ice into a cup, and looking for the vodka _

"_Do you want the Love Potion," a guy named Derek asked reaching under the bar and pulling out a powdery substance_

"_I'm not sure, this is girl is different and besides I thought after the last time Zack used it and send that girl into an OD, we were going to stop," _

"_Eh tiny glitch, we adjusted the formula and besides since when did you grow a conscious?"_

"_True, alright give it to me!" The guys gathered around the blender like a witches coven and started mixing _

_A few minutes later, Nico went back to Jennifer with two cups, making sure that the spiked one was always in his right hand _

"_Sorry, that took so long, massive line at the bar," He suddenly seemed nervous _

"_It's alright, " She started to reach for the cup on the left_

"_No! That's mine!" He barked at her_

"_Alright," She reached for the cup on the right and started drinking_

"_Sorry didn't mean to yell,"_

"_It's fine, this is so good what's this drink called" _

"_Hello Stranger, something the guys thought up," _

"_Very cool"_

_They drank and talked for quite a bit until Jennifer realized that it was nearly 11, she should have gotten up and searched for Maddy but she was so comfortable that she figured Maddy could fend for herself _

_After awhile, Nico asked Jennifer if she wanted to go upstairs and see his brother Mikos room, and normally she would have begged off saying she had too much studying to do but instead she nodded and he took her hand, she started walking and suddenly became very dizzy, laughing it off she grasped Nico's arm harder and followed him back through the house, where even more people had jammed in and were dancing to Duran Duran, she nearly got crushed but somehow managed to make it through holding onto Nico and he guided to the stairs and into his brother's room _

_Nico pushed open the door and led Jennifer in, who took notice that it was much cleaner than her dorm room and that there was more Stereo equipment than she had ever seen and that although it was a tiny room, there were lots of couches and a bed in the center, she also took notice of the posters, a particular large one of Natassa Kinjski taped to the ceiling and another of Molly Ringwald, she also took notice that the bookshelf was filled with authors from Joyce to Keats and Hawthorne, it was an eclectic taste _

_But suddenly she felt sick, like maybe she had drank too much _

"_Hey are you alright?" Nico asked concerned _

"_I don't know I think that drink is playing funky games with my stomach," she felt like she had cramps but after a few minutes they stopped and she returned to looking at the bookshelf_

"_Come here for a minute," Nico's voice took on a seductive tone, She turned and saw him laying on the bed _

_She shouldn't but temptation was pulling her forward and soon found herself Laying beside him and kissing him deep and hard _

_The passio build up and soon she was down to her skirt and bra and he in his boxers but for some reason, before she could get completely undressed, she felt uneasy and sick again_

"_Nico, please stop," She asked struggling to push him off her,_

"_Why? Am I doing something wrong," he whispered breaking apart their kiss _

"_No of course not but I think we're rushing it and we need to slow down," _

"_Come on Babe I'm past the point of return," he was taking on a tone of anger and she didn't feel safe with him anymore_

"_I said No, now let me up," she struggled but he wouldn't budge_

"_And I said No, we started something and we're going to finish it!" he sat back long enough to slap her face _

_She recoiled back in her horror, enough was enough_

"_Let me go or I'll scream," she threatened _

"_Go ahead, No one can hear you scream," he gave an evil smirk _

_Suddenly the room went black and she faded into oblivion _

_THE NEXT MORNING _

_Maddy had hooked with Colin last night except instead of his room at the frat house, in their room back at Gresham Hall, she had lost track of Jennifer early in the party and was surprised when she returned from her shower after Colin to find her roommate missing, figuring she'd slept in the library again, Maddy picked up a couple coffees and headed toward the stacks_

"_Hello Madigan, searching for Jennifer again," The Librarian asked through her bi-focal glasses _

"_Yes Miss Westin, is she in?" Maddy smiled sweetly but instead she was sticking out her tongue _

"_I haven't seen her, maybe she wised up and asked for a better roommate?" Miss Westin hated Maddy because she was constantly putting her favorite pupil out in the cold _

"_I doubt it but I think I'll check the stacks anyway," Maddy rolled her eyes and searched the library _

_After she went from floor to floor and not seeing Jennifer, she became nervous, there was only two places she could be the Library or in their room, just in case she did somehow get passed Maddy, she decided to call their dorm room _

_The phone rang several times before someone picked up ,"Hello Patrick/Edwards room" _

"_Whose this?" Maddy was surprised to hear another voice in their room _

"_This is Estella Warren, who's this?" the voice sounded peppy_

"_Stella,it's Maddy have you seen Jennifer? I can't find her and what are you doing in my room?"_

"_She's not here and I'm getting back the health notes you took from me but forgot to return,"_

"_Oh right, look if you run into Jennifer, tell her I need to talk to her" _

"_Will do," Stella cheerfully put the phone down_

_Maddy was really worried, she wasn't sure what to think or if she should go to campus police, maybe she should go back to the frat house and see if maybe Jennifer was still there._

_She walked quickly back to the frat house, where some of the brothers were cleaning up after last night's party, she quickly asked one of them if they had seen Jennifer but they had no idea where she was, she walked into the house and started looking around _

"_Hey Missy!" a voice called out to her, Maddy turned and saw it was Colin coming from the living room_

"_Colin, have you seen my roommate?" _

"_No but feel free to look around," He smiled kissed her cheek and went back to cleaning_

_Maddy noticed that quite a few people were passed out on the living room couch but none of them were Jennifer _

"_Is it alright if I go upstairs," _

"_Sure" he had no reason to say no _

_Maddy bounded up the stairs and threw open a door but nothing, she tried two more and started to get frustrated but it was the last bedroom she was drawn too, Maddy nervous turned the door knob and stepped in _

_And Screamed_

_She didn't know how long she screamed for or what made her stop, but the next moment she realized she was sitting in an ambulance with Jennifer laying on a gurney and a paramedic trying to revive her heart _

"_What did she ingest?" He demanded to know _

"_I don't know honestly we split last night and she never came home," _

_Suddenly the machine that was beeping frantically started evenly beeping _

"_What does that mean?" _

"_It means her heart is starting back on her own, can you tell me what happened"_

"_I walked into the bedroom, she was laying there half naked, her lips were blue and there was foam coming out of her mouth, I tried to clean her up as best I could before you guys came and I couldn't find a pulse, what do you think happened?" _

"_I think she had a massive overdose but we won't know until we arrive in the hospital, where are her parents?" _

"_Her mom's dead and her dad's somewhere out of Cairo," _

"_So if the hospital need to contact him, they won't be able to?" _

"_Nope she's got an aunt in Paris but that's all in her family, if you need some sort of medical decision, my father Sean Patrick, has been authorized to make decisions on her behalf,"_

"_Alright that's' good to know," they screeched to a stop in front of the hospital, Maddy got out first followed by the EMTs and the gurney _

_Everyone ran inside where a team of doctors started screaming orders and there was too much chaos for Maddy to understand, soon she was being pushed outside to the waiting room_

_She had never felt so alone before in her life, She had called her Daddy's office and told him what happened and he had told her that he would come right down, but not before calling her foolish for abandoning her best friend, and he also said he'd never been so disappointed with her in his life _

_It was a few more hours before a doctor came out, "I'm looking for the family of Jennifer Edwards?"_

"_I'm her sister, Madigan, Our dad should be here soon," Maddy knew that lying was wrong but in this case she had to be Jennifer's voice _

"_Your sister has had a drug overdose, we found large quantities of GHB in her system"_

"_What's that? GHB?" _

"_It's a date rape drug,"_

"_Was my sister .raped?" Maddy suddenly couldn't breathe _

"_Yes, repeatedly, she also had some vaginal tearing which required some stitching and quite a few bruises, what we're most concerned with is because of her overdose, she'll have brain damage"_

"_Brain Damage?" ,Maddy suddenly started to hyperventilating _

"_Miss Edwards, please calm down"_

"_It's Patrick, Same Mom different dad," She figured she'd better keep with the lie in case someone started asking questions _

"_Alright Miss Patrick, please calm down"_

"_Can I see her?"_

"_Just for a moment, I warn you she's quite battered," the doctor felt sorry for her_

_Maddy followed the doctor into Jennifer's room, where the sight of her best friend nearly brought her to her knees _

_There wasn't one inch of Jennifer's beautiful face that wasn't covered with some sort of stitch or bruise, she had been beaten until she was nearly dead and her white skin was translucent, Maddy could see that she was in obvious pain the way her eyebrows were jumping up and down_

"_I'll fix this, I promise," Maddy muttered into Jennifer's ear _

"_Miss Patrick, your father is here to see you,"_

_Maddy nodded and went out to see her father, a prominent lawyer, pacing the waiting room _

"_Daddy," she said quietly_

"_Madigan Leigh, you have a lot of explaining to do"_

"_I will as soon as I come back," Maddy knew that disobeying her father was wrong but she knew whoever had done this to Jennifer was back in at the Frat house _

"_No Madigan, Now .what happened" _

_Maddy quickly explained what happened and after her father's color returned to his face, he stood quietly thinking _

"_Alright this what we're going to do, I've already spoken to Stephen who instructed me to put Jennifer back on a plane to Maryland and you are coming home, you will no longer attend Gresham Hall, it's not safe"_

"_Daddy, No! Please don't withdraw us! "_

"_It's your own fault, you chose to be promiscuous and it's nearly cost your best friend her life, this is the consequence of not thinking, maybe in the future you'll think before you act," _

_Maddy hung her head and started to cry _

"_I'm sorry Darlin, but that's the way it is," Sean Patrick reached out to hug his daughter but she backed away and walked out of the hospital_

_Someone was going to have to pay and big time _

_Maddy took a cab back to the frat house, but not before making a quick stop to her dorm room to pick up something and she went on her way _

"_Missy, is your friend alright?" Colin asked after she had furiously knocked on the door _

"_It's Maddy and no, she's not ..Can I come in?" _

"_Sure," Colin was surprised when she stomped past him _

"_Whose room was Jennifer found in?" She demanded _

"_I don't know, why?" _

"_Because my best friend was raped repeatedly and I want to know who did it and Now"_

_Colin knew his friends had concocted a love potion involving GHB but to go the extra mile and actually commit rape was horrifying _

"_I don't know anything, I swear" Colin held up his hands _

"_Let me go up and search the room please," She batted her green eyes _

"_Go ahead but the cops have already been through this place, I doubt you'll find anything" _

_Maddy kissed him on the nose and went up to the room where she had found Jennifer earlier that morning, she tried to ignore the throw up that was climbing the back of her throat and decided to search the room, she took notice of Jennifer's wig on the desk and a rip shirt on the floor but there was no clue as to whose room it was_

_Until She heard footsteps coming up the stairs, frantically thinking, she threw herself under the bed but not before switching on the object she'd ran to her room to get _

"_Nicolai, What did you do to that poor girl?" she heard a voice ask _

"_Nothing I did it exactly as you told me," the second voice replied _

"_I didn't tell you to beat her, if she dies, I'm turning you in" _

"_You'd go to Jail too because you helped create the potion," _

"_Mom and Dad are going to be pissed"_

"_You should have thought of that," Maddy saw them stand in front of the desk and the chair scrape forward and felt the bed sag ontop of her, "Well no more, I'm not covering for you anymore, what you are doing is dangerous,"_

"_Mik, you've done it too"_

"_But not anymore, come on let's go to the hospital and see how she is," She heard the footsteps scrape across the floor and out the door_

"_Gotcha," it seemed almost too easy _

_Maddy hurried back to the hospital where her father was talking with the Police_

"_Madigan Leigh, where have you been? The police need to speak with you now," _

"_First off, here's something you want to hear and I think you need to get some guys over to the Frat House and second, is Jennifer awake?" without another word, she handed the policeman the tape recorder and went into Jennifer's room, where she was just waking up_

"_Boy you know how to shake up a party,sister," Maddy tried to make her smile but she knew that it was useless because Jennifer remembered every detail_

"_I want to go home" was all she said _

_And home, she went to recover, although that would be a long time coming _

Jennifer shook her head, remembering the details of that June day, something had triggered the whole episode and she knew what she had to do

"Darling," She knocked on Jonathan's office door

"Come in Sweetheart," He was just hanging up from a business call

"I have something to tell you," She said closing the door behind her


	5. Revelations and a birth

Jonathan sat back in his large leather chair, absorbing the story his wife has just poured out after nearly 25 years, 10 of them being married, Stunned didn't begin to describe what he was feeling, now he understand what she often looked over her shoulder and how she was insistent on all the doors locked before she went bed and that despite their passion and love for each other, she often got nervous before they made love like she had reassure herself that she wanted this.

"What happened after you went to Havenhill that summer," he croaked out after several minutes of silence

"Well, the police kept questioning Maddy and I, they did arrest Nico and the others but because back then sexual assault wasn't considered a federal crime, he got off on probation and was thrown out of school eventually the frat house was shut down,"

"Where is he now?,"

"Last I heard he was killed in Barcelona train bombing, the others I don't know, Maddy knows more about it"

"Speaking of Gresham, didn't Maddy graduate with you?"

"Yes after I convinced her father that she had saved my life and she didn't deserve to be railroaded because of one poor decision, after that she really settled down from wild child to Adult,"

"She hit 40 and went back to wild child?"

"Jonathan!"

"Sorry!"

Jonathan realized that she was starting to shake from telling him and he went to her, pulling her into his arms "I'm so sorry darling, I never imagined that and I understand why you kept it from me but I want you to promise me something"

"Anything,"

"That we won't keep secrets from each other, we need to be open and honest with each, I could have helped you deal with this "

"I didn't want you to look at me as a victim"

"I would never look at you as a victim, only my wife and my love,"

She smiled and kissed him and they began dancing in the moon of Jonathan's office

The future looked bright and her past was slowly being erased

It was time to prepare for the next stage of her life and it all began now

Emma Edwards Hart was born on a cold December night, the first time in nearly 30 years that it snowed in Bel Air. Her birth was normal but her arrival and the events leading up to it were speculator,

The previous night, Jennifer had been having minor contractions during the annual Hart industry Christmas party but her due date wasn't for another two weeks and so she simply thought they were Braxton hicks, it wasn't until they were back at Willow Pond that they came fast and furious

"Darling," She breathed deeply while trying to undress for bed, "Can you help me soak in the tub for a few minutes?"

"Sure Sweetheart, Are you alright?" He looked at her curiously, ever since she entered this last trimester, he hovered over her every move and reacted to every kick the baby gave and sometimes when she slept, he would put his hand on her belly and count how many times he felt the baby move, the doting father he was and more than often, his secretary caught him reading "What to expecting when you're expecting" during his lunch hour.

"I'm fine, just feel like taking a soak," She didn't want to tell him she might be in labor because she knew he'd go into panic mode and they would go to the hospital only to be turned away because she wasn't either dilated or wasn't dilated enough, it had happened twice before …

If this baby didn't come in the next few days, Jennifer was going to ask to be induced, she was sick of being pregnant and just wanted get on with meeting the one person aside from Jonathan who could make the world perfect again

In the days and weeks after her confession about her attack, Jonathan had insisted she go to a psychologist so that she could properly deal with what had happened and learn to cope, She was adamant that she was fine and that she didn't need some shrink, as long as she had Jonathan and their baby she was fine but he'd insisted and went as far as to drag her to the sessions by her elbow, physically push her into the couch and sit beside her, to which she cold shouldered him for about four days afterwards

But in the end, she had to admit that he had done the right thing, she had kept this secret inside of her for so long that it was actually eating away at a piece of her heart that should have been taken completely over by Jonathan and that she had somehow transferred her anger from Nico to Jonathan because Nico wasn't around to suffer her wrath

The whole concept was horrifying; she never realized she did that, she always thought that she had always been loving to Jonathan, and considering the amount of times they made love during the day, she naturally thought he felt the same way but in retrospective she could recall moments when she would get angry over something ridiculous

Like when he left his tennis racket on the stairs, she tripped, fell down the stairs, picked herself and the racket up and proceeded to jam said racket in the garbage disposal, or when she prepared an special anniversary dinner and he showed up two hours late with flowers, a diamond necklace and a sexy apology, she took the necklace and locked herself in the bathroom sobbing he didn't care.

All those little moments she took for granted, blaming it on hormones or just being in the moment, she never knew that she was possibly ruining her otherwise perfect marriage, she felt awful and cried for days afterward begging Jonathan for his forgiveness, he held her and said that it was unnecessary but for the benefit of her sanity as well as his own, he forgave her

And then came the week that the psychologist forced her to relive Sophie's birth, from the time she learned she was pregnant, throughout her pregnancy and up to the birth, her subconscious blocked out most of it.

The doctor had asked her to remember each moment and dissect it so carefully; she remembered that she realized she was pregnant in the frozen food aisle of the supermarket with her father, when he sheepishly asked her if she needed any "Ladies Items" and it occurred to her that she still had an unopened box of Maxi pads from when she left school that June day and it was nearly the beginning of September, she was usually so vigilant about keeping track but ever since the attack, her head had been up in the clouds and the dense fog she had been made her completely unaware of how late she was.

She remembered telling Pa that she was all set but when he went to the bread aisle, she went to the Health aisle and slipped a pregnancy test into her sweater jacket. She'd never stolen anything before but now she wasn't above anything especially now.

Pa had to go out of town on business leaving her to stay with the houseman Joe and as soon as his cab took off she followed her own car telling Joe she was visiting a friend, he assumed a friend in Maryland not all the way in New York City

She drove in silence just thinking that maybe it was just from her attack and that it was the trauma to her vagina that caused her to miss two periods

She remembered sitting on the steps of Maddy's building, because she wasn't home and the doorman wouldn't let her in and when Maddy finally arrived home after shopping, it seemed like hours later and Maddy was shocked to find Jennifer sitting there, She remembered that she held up the unopened pregnancy test and Maddy without a word took her upstairs to her bedroom and pushed her into the bathroom.

Together they watched the test tell them she was positively pregnant and how she collapsed onto Maddy's bed, and for the next few days Maddy took good care of her because she felt like she couldn't physically move.

The counselor noted that Maddy seemed to be quite the caregiver and that despite Jonathan's low opinion of her, She maintained a constant confidant that Jennifer needed, almost as a replacement for Jennifer's mother, which made Jonathan feel awful for all those times he insulted her, behind her back and to her face.

Those sessions weren't as bad as the sessions when the counselor made Jennifer relive the birth of baby Sophie which came days after a sonogram showed that Emma was healthy and thriving, her name having been decided by her Daddy.

The counselor told them that by denying Sophie's birth, they weren't preparing themselves for Emma's arrival and were in fact downplaying her birth, causing her to become second place in her parents' eyes and fighting a ghost.

It was awful to learn and Jennifer nearly hyperventilated herself into premature labor, and so after much begging and pleading with Jonathan to stay home and let her have this session alone.

She remembered that they were back in the dorms and She'd been getting dressed to go to class, she wasn't that far in her pregnancy, maybe six months in and She had been putting on her shoes when the cramps started and When Maddy came in from the shower, still wrapped in her towel, she could see that Jennifer was in distress and called 911.

Jennifer didn't remember what happened next, just that the doctors kept telling her that the baby's heartbeat was too low and that if they didn't get her out, she risked bleeding to death..she didn't care as long as the baby was alright but in retrospect, in 1985 she knew that the odds weren't great and she begged The doctors to let Maddy in the delivery room.

She remembered how much pain she was in and how she begged for them to knock her out, she was sure she was dying and the nurse kept insisting that she needed to calm down, that getting excited wasn't helping anyone especially the baby and when they finally gave her some drugs, she slipped into the darkness that had happened when she was attacked.

She remembered waking up hours later, to Maddy crying over her and placing a rosary bead in her hands and she knew instantly that her baby had died, she ordered Maddy to tell her what happened but Maddy would only say that the baby's oxygen had been cut off possibly by the cord and that although she was tiny at 3lbs, her little organs just couldn't sustain her and that she had died less than thirty minutes after being born.

Jennifer had begged her to continue but all Maddy would tell her was that the baby had already gone to the morgue and to the funeral home where she would be buried but refused to tell where she was going to laid to rest

She knew that the truth would shatter Jennifer even more..if it were it possible

At that point the counselor pressed Jennifer to ask why after all these years did she never ask where her baby was buried

It took Jennifer just a moment to say "Because then it would become too real and everything would come crashing down and life as I knew it wouldn't matter."

"But enough time has passed; do you think now that you are having another baby and also Jonathan to support you, you could visit the grave?"

"No because that part of my life is over and I refuse to step back into those days, what I need to do is make sure Emma is healthy and happy, and knows that her mother is strong and would stop the world if necessary"

"What's different this time?"

"I'm not a victim anymore" and with that Jennifer stood up, belly and all and walked out of the counselor's office

Back at Willow Pond, where the nursery was being finished, the whole room was done in pink with a pink canopy bed and matching crib, a Pink-a licious design on the wall and every corner of the room held either a princess doll house, a toy chest filled with dress up clothes and enough dolls to make Toy's R Us blush

Jennifer Found Jonathan standing in the middle holding onto one of the pink blankets

"Hey Stranger," She whispered "Whatcha doin?"

"Just imagining what Emma will think of her room" He kissed her on her nose

"She'll probably hate pink with a passion," Jennifer laughed

"I can see why, this place looks like a bubble gum factory threw up," Jonathan laughed also then turned serious "What happened at your session"

"I'm not doing it anymore and I won't discuss what happened, suffice it say I got the most out of it and I'm ready to move on with your help, Darling," She smiled and placed his hand on her belly and the baby kicked back in response

"But what happens when Emma is born? Are you going to shut down?" Jonathan's only concern was for her and the baby if he could he'd take away her past and fill it with wonders of the world.

"Are you worried I'll hurt her?" Jennifer wasn't sure what he was thinking or aiming at and she was starting to get angry

"No, of course not! I just want to make sure you both are healthy that's all" Jonathan would never admit that that was his biggest fear but he knew she'd lay down in front of a train before she'd ever harm Emma

"I can't believe you, I thought we knew each other better than that" She turned to leave but he grabbed her halfway out the door and kissed her showing her that he trusted her more than he trusted himself

She succumbed to his kisses and suddenly their passions grew and they made love on the floor of their daughter's nursery. Something that had been seriously lacking since her confession.

In the days following her last therapy session and that night in the nursery, Jennifer really did seem to lose her edge and just enjoy being pregnant, it was a time to just take in every kick and every flutter. There was no doubt in her mind..

Emma would be coming to Willow Pond, where she belonged.

Where they both belonged.

The last few weeks had been uneventful, they had finished up the nursery, putting a bassinet in the living room and upstairs as well to make it easier so that they wouldn't have to worry about tripping down the stairs with the baby

One of the best moment came just a few weeks before Emma was born, When Jonathan a wrestling match with the car seat.

" I don't see why you just don't pay someone to do it" Jennifer said from her swing on the porch watching him

"Because any moron can fasten a seatbelt, it just takes a bit of maneuvering," Jonathan's face was red and his normal brushed back hair was tousled

"You know from here, you look a little like Martin Sheen," She laughed sipping her lemonade, lately she had been craving all sorts of sour things and frequently sucked on lemons just for the hell of it

He didn't hear her, he just kept muttering "Stupid fucking cheap plastic," and taking it out, studying it and putting it back in the car

"Where are the directions?"

"Please woman, I don't need directions I work with Satellites on a regular basis, this is duck soup,"

"Uh Huh," She rolled her eyes

She let him fuss for a little while longer until he threw it on the ground, swearing that it wasn't made for the Tahoe

She waited until he went into the house and into his office, she could see him through the windows outside talking to himself about where the box was, She picked up the car seat, put it back in the car and after studying it for a few minutes, clicked and belt it securely, giving it one good tug making sure it wouldn't go anywhere

"Emmy, I think Mommy going to be putting together your Christmas presents," She laughed out loud

The night she went into labor, After the Christmas party and was soaking in the tub, her contractions started, at first they felt like tiny cramps but they weren't too bad…

Jonathan was sitting beside her, reading a magazine out loud when he noticed that every so often her face would crinkle in pain

"Are you alright, Darling,?" He finally asked

"Yes of course," She flashed him a toothy grin knowing the moment she said contractions, he'd be off and running.

"Alright" he went back to his reading and she soaked for a little while longer, just breathing deeply trying to anticipate every contraction

She stayed in the tub for little while longer until the water was cold and he helped her out, helping her dry off and into new pajamas but instead of her night gown she asked for her sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt, figuring she was cold because the air conditioner was on, even though it was December..hormones made her often flip between hot and cold. Poor Jonathan had been reduced to wearing a parka while he slept because she was so hot during the night.

He helped her into bed, and went to go clean up some plates that she'd left on the table because every night at 9 oclock like any good husband he brought her milk and cookies to help her sleep and was just about to do some laundry when she called to him from the bedroom

"Jonathan, I think it's time." She would remain calm through this

"Time for what?, Time for bed?" He called back

"No, time to have a baby,"

"What?" He wasn't sure he had heard her

"Emma wants to meet her Daddy," she rolled her eyes

"Oh my god," He raced back up the stairs to find her sitting on the edge of the bed," Are you alright? What happened?"

"My water broke, we need to change the sheets," She struggled to get herself off the bed

"Forget the sheets, let's go!" He grabbed her arm to help her up

"Relax, it'll be hours before this baby is born, I just don't want to ruin $900 dollar sheets, help me," She started stripping the bed and was half way done when the contractions started.

"That's it, we're leaving now," Jonathan said searching for his car keys and wallet.

"I need to pack a bag," Jennifer had been putting it off for weeks, she thought she would have until the last week of December to pack

"You haven't packed a bag?" he was surprised, usually she was so meticulous about everything.

"I packed a bag for the baby but I didn't get a chance to pack my own bag," She picked up her Chanel travel bag, throwing in extra underwear, her warmest night gown, some extra sweats and an extra sweater, her supplies had been separated and put into the bag earlier, she just needed clothes

"Where are my shoes?" She couldn't remember where she had thrown them off earlier

"Just pick a pair and let's go!" Jonathan was a bundle of nerves

She rolled her eyes at him and found a pair of slip on sneakers while he paced the room,

"Before you wear out the carpet, can you grab my body pillow?"

"If we don't leave in the next five minutes, I'm carrying you to the car," He told her as he grabbed the pillow from the bed

"Alright let's go have a baby," She said kissing his nose

They went to the car and she was suddenly so nervous, this was actually happening …

"Wait, I forgot the video camera" Jonathan jumped out of the car

"Oh Sure but you give me crap for stalling" She called after him

He came back 5 minutes later with the video camera and a box of crackers,

"I think they have a cafeteria," She fiddled with the radio because it was nearly Christmas, every station was playing some form of Winter Wonderland

"those are for the car ride," he laughed backing out of the garage when he noticed it was snowing , "Look!"

"I can't believe this, it never snows in California" She looked out the windshield in amazement, "I think it's a sign"

"Of what?"

"That good things are going to happen,"

They drove to the hospital in silence, Jonathan concentrating on the road and Jennifer watching the snow, she couldn't wait to show Emma her first snow flake.

They checked into the hospital where Jennifer was hooked up to the monitors, fetal for the baby and heart monitors for her, so far her contractions hadn't been too bad and when the doctor checked her dilation, she was only at 4 so the doctor said she was there for the long haul and to get comfortable, In order to get her epidural, she would need to get to six.

After the doctors and nurses had hooked her up, she fell asleep exhausted while Jonathan made a secret phone call.

To the one person he knew she needed during this time.

The door opened around 3am, Jonathan was fiddling with his new video camera when the person walked in.

"Hey John," the familiar husky voice whispered

"Madigan, thanks for coming" He kissed her cheek "Sorry to pull you off whoever you were on"

Maddy smirked before answering "You think I'd miss the birth of my niece, please…how long have you guys been here?"

"Around 9ish I think" time had been passing so slowly but in those moments in rushing from the house it had sped up. "Is it still snowing out?"

"It's a full blown blizzard out there" Maddy took the snow out of her hair and sat down on the couch under the window, "did they say how long it would be."

"She's only at four centimeters so it's going to be awhile,"

"Only four? Damn Johnny, you could called me when she hit six and I still would have made it on time," Maddy rolled her eyes

"Like I knew you'd actually get here on time, first time for everything," Jonathan shot back

"You know, I don't know whose the bigger baby, you two or Emma" Jennifer said through closed eyes

"Sorry Jen-Bug"

"Sorry darling ..how do you feel?"

"So tired I just want her out…" Jennifer continued to speak with her eyes closed

"Soon Darling,"

Soon turned into 20 hours, by the following night Jennifer was exhausted and her contractions were right on top of each other and Jennifer had had enough

"Why won't she come out?" Jennifer pleaded to Jonathan, Her face was sweaty and her eyes spoke of exhaustion

"Maybe she's just so comfortable she doesn't feel like moving," Jonathan tried to comfort her but even he was exhausted and sleeping on the chair through the day, he felt like he'd taken the beating of a lifetime.

"That's how you know she's your kid Jen, Stubborn as hell" Maddy said sitting on the couch checking her cell phone

Jennifer was so tired, she didn't even reply to Maddy, she just kept chewing on her ice chips, she was supposed to get her epidural hours ago but when the time came, she felt like she was wonder woman and could do it with drugs.

A decision she was regretting big time

Dr. Kendall bounced in and quickly the monitor, "Well Jennifer, nearly 25 hours that's gotta be some sort of record, what do you think?"

"I think if this baby isn't born in the next few hours, it'll time for a forced eviction," Jennifer chewed frantically.

"Well let's see how far dilated you are and take it from there," The doctor put her gloves and checked her cervix "Yup, 10 centimeters let's get this girl out…We're going to move you into labor and delivery and get this party started," Dr. Kendall left to talk to the nurses

"Well, I think I'll go camp out in the waiting room," Maddy said knowing that this was the last moment the two of them would have to be alone.

"Well, here we are,who'd have thought we'd wind up here?" Jennifer said feeling nervous

"I always hoped we would, who knows maybe someday we'll come back to give Emma a little brother or sister?"

"Someday," Jennifer wasn't making any promises at this point, "Was there anything we wanted to do before we had a baby?"

"Well, We've seeen the world, gotten into scrapes minor and major , made love everywhere.. I think we've done it all, this pretty much takes the bucket list right over the top" Jonathan kissed her nose

"Alright ,are you ready?" The nurse asked placing a scrub cap on Jennifer's head

"Well, there's no turning back now I guess," Jennifer smiled but inside she was freaking out that her body would actually push out a human body

"We're more than ready," Jonathan said watching them pull the gurney out to the hallway

"Mr. Hart, We'll bring in a moment then we'll come for you, but first we have to get you some scrubs, Wait here" Another nurse told Jonathan.

"Hmm...you know, you look more worried than I am," Jennifer smiled

"Nah, I'm alright I've never been more proud or in love with you before," Jonathan looked down at her

"I should have done this a long time ago," Jennifer said laughing tiredly

"Alright Jennifer, are you ready? Is it just Jonathan coming into the delivery room?" Dr. Kendall asked standing behind Jonathan

"No, Jennifer's sister will be also coming too," Jonathan decided that whatever differences he and Maddy had, Jennifer needed her as much as she needed Jonathan.

"Alright we'll have the nurses bring her an extra set of scrubs," Dr. Kendall nodded and walked into the delivery room

"Thank you Darling" Jennifer knew that this concussion on his part was a giant step forward

"Well I figured you having a baby and me allowing her to go in there, we're about even," Jonathan kissed his wife one last time before they wheeled her off

"That's what you think" she called as they rolled her the double doors and into the labor room

A nurse had grabbed Maddy in the waiting room and pulled the two of them together into a linen closet

"Okay these are basically one size fits all so here you go, and Miss…"

"Patrick" Maddy said staring at the scrubs which were about five sizes too big and in a horrible shade of green, "Say do you have these in another color"

"Madigan, it's not fashion show" Jonathan was exasperated with her already, he just wanted to be with his wife

"Jonathan, if you had any taste aside from what Jen picks out for you, you'd realize that these aren't my color"

"Excuse me, when you two are done, I think your wife would like to get on with her delivery" the nurse thrusted the scrubs at them and walked out the door.

"Bitch"

"Bastard"

"You know, when we get in there, we can't be at each other's throats, we have to have some sort of truce otherwise she'll kick us out and you'll miss your daughter's birth, so truce?"

"Truce until the baby's born, and then all bets are off"

They shook on it and put the scrubs on as well

"Alright Jennifer, let's get this pushing started, ready 1,2,3" the doctor ordered from her position at the of the bed, there were three nurses, one for the baby and two for Jennifer

"Maddy, why don't you take hold her leg while Jonathan films this" a nurse who'd been on since Jennifer arrived was on a first name basis with all three of them

"No Pictures!" Jennifer said in between pushes

"Oh come Jennifer, we'll want to remember this," Jonathan said filming her face, bright red and sweaty

"I think Emma will be a constant reminder," Maddy remarked

Jonathan ignored them and continued filming as she pushed for another hour

"Come on, Jennifer!" Maddy coached her, "Big Pushes come on girl"

"You come on, this hurts" Jennifer sobbed, she should have gotten the epidural when she had the chance

"Jonathan, do you want to see the top of your daughter's head?" Dr. Kendall

"Sure, " He walked around the bed and looked down to find his daughter nearly born, "Oh my god this is amazing! she's got the most beautiful head of dark hair"

"Really?" Jennifer leaned back in exhaustion, "Dark Hair?"

"What'd you expect..a blonde?" Maddy asked crying and laughing hysterically

"I can't believe this, she's almost here.." Jonathan was completely blown away

"Jennifer," Dr. Kendall stopped maneuvering the baby out, "do you want to pull the baby out?"

"Can I?," Jennifer reached and simply tugged her baby out and put her on her chest, "Oh my god she's gorgeous"

The baby immediately began screaming as she was cleaned off, She had dark black hair and from what Jennifer could see because the baby was squinting from all the gunk in her eyess was that she had brown eyes

"Oh my little Emma" Jennifer continued sobbing, after the baby was semi cleaned off she laid on Jennifer's chest simply exhausted

"Jen, you did so good" Maddy

"Oh Darling, I can't even..She's the most amazing thing I've ever seen in my life" Jonathan leaned over the bed and kissed both of them

"This is so crazy right?" Jennifer said trying to calm down and focus on the baby

"Who says great things don't come from amazing sex," Maddy said watching Jonathan interact with them, Emma immediately grasped his finger and he felt his heart expand a thousand times over

"We have to take her to get cleaned up and tested but we promise we'll bring her right back" Dr. Kendall promised "I'll stay with her every second while she's being checked out"

"Thank you Doctor, I mean that," Jonathan hugged the small woman

"I'm just glad I was able to help" Dr. Kendall smiled

"You did it, Bugs I'm so proud of you," Jonathan went back to his wife who was being cleaned up and stitched up

"We did so good," Jennifer was exhausted and exhilarated at the same time, she couldn't wait to get Emma back in her arms

"I can't believe you just delivered your own baby" Maddy kissed the side of Jennifer's head

"Hey someone had to do it, I hope your prepared to step up for Godmother duties," Jennifer said

"Spoil her rotten then return her to you guys, got it!" Maddy said …

Jennifer was returned to her room to recovery and anticipate Emma being brought to her, she laid down her body aching, Jonathan had gone down to film in the nursery to film her first little bath and them doing all the tests.

He came back about a half hour later with Emma in his arms wrapped in a pink blanket, He sat down on the bed and Jennifer got her first real glimpse of her daughter who looked like a tiny Buddha

"Where did Maddy go?" Jonathan noticed that she was gone from the room

"I sent her home, she hasn't slept in nearly 24 hours and she was dead on her feet, she said she'd be back tomorrow" Jennifer said as Jonathan sat down on the bed, "How did our girl make out?"

"5lbs 12 ounces, 21inches long " Jonathan said studying Emma little face, she had some freckles across her nose and her eyebrows were reddish brown, she was all sorts of different colors with her black hair

"Wow, she certainly felt so much bigger," Jennifer laughed playing with her little hand, "I can't believe how serious she looks,"

"I think she looks like you," Jonathan kissed his wife

"I think she's the best combination of both of us," Jennifer's heart grew, she couldn't believe how already in love with this baby already and because of that, she loved Jonathan even more.

For the next few hours They watched their baby's first moments, from watching her stretch her arms to listening to her click tongue, she slept quite a bit and when she did wake up, she observed their faces like she was committing them to memory

"Do you think Max would be happy?" Jennifer asked breaking the silence

"I think he would be thrilled, In fact I have it on good authority he sent her to us?" Jonathan leaned back against the pillows now watching Jennifer feed the baby

"You do?" Jennifer broke her stare with Emma, to look at Jonathan's tired face

"Yep, Max always said "If you don't hurry up and get that girl pregnant, I'll personally come back if I've died and haunt you to your own dying day" Jonathan did his best impression of Max which always came out quite gangster

Jennifer laughed hard despite the pain in her stomach

"Mr. Hart, I'm sorry but visiting hours are over and Mrs. Hart needs her rest," A nurse poked her head in the door

"Do I have to?" Jonathan whined

"Yes but I promise first thing tomorrow, we'll let you come in and spend the whole day," the nurse said

"I hate to leave, she's only an hour old" Jonathan grumbled

"Rules are different for the recovery room than in Labor and Delivery," the nurse said before leaving

"Darling, we have the rest of our lives, besides you look like the walking dead and I feel like the walking dead we both need our rest especially with our baby" Jennifer lightly pushed him off the bed

"Alright but I'm not happy about this" Jonathan kissed his wife and brand new daughter, he was angry he had to leave but better he leave on his own terms than security escort him out, "I love you both"

"And we love you too" She leaned in for one last long kiss

With a lasting look at his wife and baby, cradle in her arms, He left

"Well Emma, it's just you and me kiddo," She felt silly talking to the baby but somehow Emma understood what she was saying

"Mrs. Hart," the nurse came back in "Do you want me to take her?"

"No I think we're alright" Jennifer nodded, she had never felt so comfortable or at ease with anyone before but then again, this wasn't just anybody

This was her daughter

"I want you to know that you are wise and you will always be loved, no matter how many mistakes I make and trust me, there will be plenty and I can't make up for the first weeks when I knew you were coming but I promise I will never stop loving you, In fact little girl, I've been waiting for you, you are the daughter we were meant to have"

As if in agreement Emma smiled

Jennifer realized the most important thing in that moment of the hospital with her brand new baby and her past completely erased with the birth of this new beginning.

Some Accidents are worth it.


End file.
